Where to connect with gay guys in Malegaon India
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I still live in my village but I have been offered a job in a big city. Hopefully, things will change. I want a partner. I want to love and be loved. I didn't know anything about section until Thursday. I didn't even know that being homosexual was criminal. I just knew that in rural Bihar, where I come from, I would never be allowed to live as a lesbian woman.
I am happy with the ruling, but it doesn't help me. I can only hope that it starts a conversation that reaches rural India. I was 15 when I realised I was a lesbian.
Since I was a little girl, I never liked girly clothes. I liked to wear trousers and a shirt - like the boys in my village. My parents didn't object. I didn't have a brother, so they thought of me as a son and didn't mind if I dressed up as one. To be honest, I didn't know much either.
I knew that I was attracted to girls but I also knew that it was not right.
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So I never told my parents. They still don't know. Nobody close to me knows. During weddings, I often find women attractive but I have never had the courage to speak to them. When I turned 20, I had to find a way to express myself. I couldn't discuss these feelings with anyone in the village. But mobile phones came to my rescue. I would dial random numbers and tell strangers my story - anyone at all who cared to listen. When one girl I called told me that she liked my voice, I was elated.
It was the first time I had got a compliment from a girl. I tried to kill myself when I was My parents thought that I was depressed because I wasn't married.
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They got me married a few weeks later but it was doomed. Within a year, I was divorced. By this time, I had no will to live. Every day was difficult. I have lived 30 years of my life without meeting a partner. Now I just want a job to survive. I have no hope of meeting a partner because I can never openly talk about being a lesbian. I welcome the ruling.
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But section has never been a problem for me. In my village, the police have never harassed anybody because of it. It's society that troubles us. I knew I was gay when I turned Two years later, I got married. I just couldn't tell my parents or my wife and pretended to be normal.
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I have two sons now. But I deeply regret not telling my wife.
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She now knows that I am gay but continues to live with me for the children's sake. It's hard to find partners.
Unlike big cities, there are no gay clubs here. I know a few gay people but they all live in fear of being ostracised if they were to come out.
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It's a difficult life. No matter how nice I am or how much I help people, once they find out I am gay, they run from me. Some people sympathise with us but they still think it's a disease that needs to treated. Nobody seems to understand why we feel the way we do. Living like this can break you.
I am always looking over my shoulder. I keep thinking that somebody will walk up to me and slap me or do something nasty because I am gay. I fear that my children will be bullied when they grow up. I have already moved once because of this fear.
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