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Top Stories

When the police wouldn't back down the family asked for one detail to be changed - they wanted their son to be presented as the active sexual partner. For them, their son being passive would be even more shameful. In almost all cases charges will be dropped, Iqbal says, but the boys will be forced to get married by their families.

Just occasionally, though, Pakistani parents do reconcile themselves to children entering a long-term gay relationship. I took the time to talk to her and convince her that I was a good person. That was first and foremost. It wasn't about 'coming out' in a formal sense. It's more important to convince Ali's family that I'm a good human being.

She said she was giving it to me because she knew I 'take care of things'. It was a kind gesture and a very personal kind of acceptance. Akbar and Ali have now set up home together with the support of their families. Akbar has a good relationship with Ali's mother. At the end of the night she goes to her room and Ali and I will retire to our room. Two men sleeping in the same bed? Sure she knows what is going on.

We don't have to have a big discussion about it. Stories like this are, however, exceptionally rare. For many gay men in Pakistan, a heterosexual marriage and a life of anonymous groping is the long-term reality. But life can be even more difficult for gay women.

Expressions of female sexuality are shunned in the public sphere, even among heterosexuals. So how do gay women make their lives work? In Lahore, twenty-something lesbian couple Beena and Fatima have come up with an inventive way to stay together. Beena, although not publicly "out", says she is optimistic about the future.

I know some gay guys and maybe we'll do a deal so we put in money together and they have one portion of the house and we'll have another portion. We may as well do that. Fatima, who contributes to an invitation-only online gay support group, believes it's only "a matter of time" before Pakistan begins to debate gay rights openly, and people declare their homosexuality with pride. You have to come out. It's inevitable," she says. You don't see that in Pakistan.

Gay Pakistan: Where sex is available and relationships are difficult

You are not allowed a difference of opinion here. My father is a gentleman but I wouldn't put it past him to put a bullet through my head. I'm all for being 'true to myself' but I don't want to die young," she says. It's selfish to the women in my family who are fighting for education and the right to marry the man of their dreams, or not to marry at all. It may take a generation for any real change to occur - even liberal Pakistanis tend to regard sectarian violence and economic instability as more pressing issues. But there will still be private spaces where gay Pakistanis can express their sexuality openly.

Some of the names of the contributors have been changed to protect their identities. The party scene is big - so big, he jokes, that he rarely gets time to himself. The result is a culture of dishonesty and double lives, says researcher Qasim Iqbal.

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