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His journal was also overwhelmed with worry. He worried about getting older while reading a letter from his younger brother in Asahikawa. He went to a four-dollar movie and worried about finding a boyfriend. He woke up to an earthquake, switched on All Night Nippon, and then worried about paying his rent. He wrote down somber poems by Fumiko Nakajou, a war-time tanka poet from Hokkaido who wrote about slowly losing a battle with breast cancer. Amid the general malaise, certain entries stood out. In one of his entries, Noriyuki nonchalantly described having sex with a foreigner for money. On another night, another foreigner followed him home.
The man had gotten on his train and they made lasting eye contact. He flitted back and forth between Asahikawa and Tokyo. He missed his brother when he was living in the capital, and he missed the city when he went home. I, too, had moved to Tokyo at 18 from San Francisco —and had started to keep a journal just to hear the echo of my own voice. I found a grueling job at a restaurant that I quickly grew to hate. Agonizing over quitting, I was buoyed somehow to know that Noriyuki, too, had once struggled to navigate petty disputes at work and an overbearing boss.
In a city that can be full of life, but also terribly isolating, I was also lonely. On April 9, , Yuki waited for a date beneath the gargantuan, multicolored video screen of Studio Alta in Shinjuku. The object of interest, a young man by the name of Koide, was due at 7 p.
The road to Matsuyama goes along the mountainous east coast of Shikoku. Chiba Chiba. Takachiho, in southern Kyushu, where the grandson of the sun goddess Amaterasu descended from heaven to assume political control of Japan. I asked Yuki if there was anything I should avoid saying or doing that might get me in trouble and she mentioned respecting the club staff and hostesses. At Kyoga Cape — the northernmost point of Kyoto prefecture — a forty-minute hike up to and down from the lighthouse was a welcome stop along the winding road. We enjoyed being away from the crowds and savored the silence.
Like the Hachiko statue in Shibuya, the Studio Alta sign in Shinjuku was, and is, a popular meeting spot for young people, which means you are always trying to pick your friends out of a crowd. There is something uncanny about waiting for someone at Alta; one gets the sense that everyone is waiting for something to happen.
Two days earlier, Yuki had written about the meeting hopefully:. I wish it would be Friday already. What should I wear on Friday? Will he actually come? In front of Alta? I continued to read, wanting things to work out for Noriyuki and Koide, but the torn pages and blacked-out entries filling the second half of the second diary suggested that it may not have been a happy ending.
Reading further, I saw that indeed the romance was doomed; Noriyuki and Koide suffered from a classic mismatch of expectations, casting Yuki into a deep despair.
He wrote that he wanted to quit his drug habit, but never seemed to manage it. He scribbled canted, inky drawings of belly-up fish, then sometimes blacked them out. At one point he contracts an STD, wonders if it might be syphilis, then stops writing for two years. In his final entry, a single page after two years of silence, he is seeing a married man while still taking drugs. The remaining pages are ragged where they have been torn from the binding. None of my roommates seemed nearly as engrossed in our discovery as I was.
Ogtonbaatar, whose keen eyes had spotted the dusty stack tucked in the corner, had opened the first book, ascertained it was some sort of journal, and shut it with superstitious flair. The secrets of others, he said, were not to be disturbed. I needed to know: Did he still take drugs?
Had Koide ever come around?
Had he discovered a cure for the youthful angst we shared? I called the city municipal office of Asahikawa, trying to finagle my way into public records that I was certainly not allowed to see. I explained my request as the man on the other end of the line listened with characteristic Japanese patience, unwilling to interrupt. There are many Japanese with the same name. Less than a month later, I left Tokyo.
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